You've ever had
to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency.
You have four categories
of patients; urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off.)
You've ever entered
a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk."
You refer to motorcyclists
as "organ donors."
You've ever had a patient
with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots."
You stare at someone
in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing.
You've ever thought
"as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."
You've ever referred
to a body bag as a "To Go" bag.
You can identify the
"P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at
20.
You've identified the
ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke; (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER
and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to
arrival.)
You think of chocolate,
coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the
4 food groups.
You've ever heard the
radio report from the ambulance and sadly put the morgue bag on the cart before
the patient arrives.
You think that the
announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious
MVA on back boards with sirens on and anxiety at level 10 would be a great
opportunity to eat lunch... (and you know that this is more time than you
usually get.)
You have ever heard
triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break
in hours.
You feel that you can
diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation.
You don't have to ask
"frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out
from memory.
You can keep a straight
face as the patient responds "I just had two beers."
You automatically multiply
by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily.
You give the local
drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return
visit.
