• Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
• You ski uphill.
• You speed walk in your sleep.
• You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
• You answer the door before people knock.
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew on other people's fingernails.
• Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
• You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• Cocaine is a downer.
• Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
• You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
• People can recharge their batteries in your ears.
• Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You channel surf faster without a remote.
• You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
• You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• You help your dog chase its tail.
• You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
• You haven't slept since the Carter administration...

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