1. Constipated people don't give a crap.
2. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
5. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
6. Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
7. If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive better.
8. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
9. Thank you for pot smoking.
10. To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
11. If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
12. Impotence Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."
13. If you can read this I've lost my trailer.
14. Horn broken...watch for finger.
15. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
16. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
18. The earth is full--go home.
19. I have the body of a God....Buddha.
20. This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
21. So many pedestrians-so little time.
22. Cleverly disquised as a responsible adult.
23. If we quit voting will they all go away?
24. The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.
25. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
26. Illiterate? Write for help.
27. Honk if anything falls off.
28. Cover me I'm changing lanes.
29. He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
30. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
31. You! Out of the gene pool!
32. I do whatever my rice Krispies tell me to.
33. Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
34. It's been lovely but I have to scream now.
35. I haven't lost my mind, It's backed up on a disk somewhere.
36. Seen on the back of a biker's vest--If you can read this, the bitch fell off.
37. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
38. Fight crime shoot back.
39. If you can read this, please flip me back over..(seen upside down, on a jeep).
40. Remember folks stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
41. Guys no shirt, no service, gals no shirt, no charge.
42. If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
43. Necropillia that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
44. Ax me about Ebonics.
45. Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel.
46. Boldly going nowhere.
47. Cat the other white meat.
48. Caution--Driver legally blonde!
49. Don't be sexist-broads hate that.
50. Heart attacks--Gods revenge for eating his animal friends.
51. Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
52. How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
53. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
54. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
55. Saw it...Wanted it...Had a fit...Got it!
56. Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
57. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

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