A banker is a fellow
who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute
it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
An economist is an expert
who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen
today.
A statistician is someone
who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone
who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that
there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
A programmer is someone
who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
A mathematician is a
blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles
R. Darwin)
A topologist is a man
who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person
who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
A psychologist is a
man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who
talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a
disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A consultant is someone
who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A diplomat is someone
who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to
the trip.
