| Taoism | Shit happens. |
| Buddhism | If shit happens, it's not really shit. |
| Islam | If shit happens, it's the will of Allah. |
| Protestantism | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| Catholicism | Shit happens because you're bad. |
| Hare Krishna | Shit happens rama rama. |
| T.V. Evangelism | Send more shit. |
| Atheism | No shit. |
| Jehova's Witness | Knock knock, shit happens. |
| Hedonism | There's nothing like a good shit happening. |
| Christian Science | Shit happens in your mind. |
| Agnosticism | Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. |
| Existentialism | What is shit anyway? |
| Stoicism | This shit doesn't bother me. |
| Rastafarianism | Let's smoke this shit. |
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