Due to increasing products liability
litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may make you think you are whispering, when you are not.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again
until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
to telephone them at 4am.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the
opposite sex.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really
scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter
than some really, really big guy named BO.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption
of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption
of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small
(and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
WARNING: Consumption
of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
