Buck Naked
 RoadrunnerI'm Steve, and I'm Ed, And we're Barenaked Ladies You're on a highway and roadrunner goes "Beep, beep" Just step aside or you might end up in a heap Roadrunner roadrunner runs on the road all day Even the coyote can't make him change his ways Roadrunner, that coyote's after you Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through That coyote's really a crazy clown When will he learn that he never can hold you down? Roadrunner roadrunner never bothers anyone Runnin' down the road is his idea of havin' fun Roadrunner, that coyote's after you Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through Roadrunner, that coyote's after you Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through If he catches you, you're through If he catches you, you're through 
Lilac GirlMy Lilac Girl, oh Only you can turn my eloquence to banality Only you can make importancies into trivialities Only you can cure dismality Only you can make me swoon My lilac girl, oh La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl She brushes her hair She climbs down the stairs Suddenly she's aware that she's beautiful She looks so delicious As she's washing the dishes Suddenly she wishes just like all the fishes in the sea That she was with me She was with me, oh ooh oh La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Well I may lie like a rug But I mean when I say that I wanna lie down next to you I may lie like a rug But I mean when I say it's a lilac girl Only you can turn my eloquence to banality Only you can make importancies into trivialities Only you can cure dismality Only you can make me swoon My lilac girl, oh ooh oh La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh (Only you can make me swoon) La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh
The King Of Bedside ManorYou know he's not the kind of man who likes to see the world around him Crumble to a ball around his feet. So he's always ready, he's always set, he's always well prepared, he's the most peculiar man you'll ever meet. Chorus You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor. He's not the Tom Jones that lives next door. He's not the king of Bedside Manor. He hardly even lives there anymore. He says excuse me, I hope you don't mind that I followed you into this shop but I couldn't help but notice that riding crop. Sticking out of your haversack, um, I wouldn't mind riding you bareback. He's subtle on the dancefloor and he's suave around the bar. He's a quickdraw with a lighter, he's a pseudo movie star. You know he was quite a singer, quite an actor quite some time ago. He had quite a famous program, late night bedtime tv show. Chorus Well he opens up the curtains at the crack of dawn just to see the lovely ladies who have come and gone. From the house next door to his house on the lane He consoles himself that he's got his health and he knows he can't complain. Chorus He's not the King of Bedside Manor He's not the King of Bedside Manor Hardly even lives there anymore. Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto He's not the king, he's not the king, he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
Trouble With TracyTracy doesn't live with her dad and all is well She's upset and I want to lick the honey from her navel She's upset and I want to lick the honey And that's the trouble with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control Your breasts are like a pomegranate split open I said and I knew that I loved you I said it and I knew that I loved you And that's the trouble with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control Yeah with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control Tracy is awake and her face said words She is in love and admits it heartily She's in love and admits it heartily to herself To herself only And that's the trouble with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control Yeah with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control That's the trouble with Tracy She never seems to do what she is told With Tracy Things aren't always under control With Tracy (Yeah with Tracy) She never seems to do what she is told (Yeah with Tracy) With Tracy (Yeah with Tracy) Things aren't always under control (Yeah with Tracy)
Great ProviderYou and I have been through this before I owe you my whole life, nothing more I never said that I liked you the most You're my father, I'm your son, who's the Holy Ghost? Where does the time go when it's not around here? Here we stand at the edge of the drive I'm just waiting for my ride to arrive I wait to see if you've any last words We pulled away, I called your name, I don't think you heard Where does the time go when it's not around here? I don't know Where does the time go when it's not around here? You and I never shared all that much When I leave, I'll be all right, I'll keep in touch As your road narrows, so mine grows wider As I leave I turn and wave to the Great Provider Where does the time go when it's not around here? I don't know Where does the time go when it's not around here?
Night PhotographsAt night I like to photograph, producing camera images And I don't have a flash But my little notebook records the subjects at hand In photo one, a flower Photo two is a drunk and naked girl In photo three is my dog in the backyard Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Subtleties of black Subtleties of black In photo one, a flower Photo two is a drunk and naked girl In photo three is my dog in the backyard Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Subtleties of black Subtleties of black At night I like to photograph, producing camera images And I don't have a flash But my little notebook records the subjects at hand (yeeeaaaaaa haaaaaa!) In photo one, a flower Photo two is a drunk and naked girl In photo three is my dog in the backyard Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Each frame captures the various subtleties of black Subtleties of black Subtleties of black
Make My Heart FlyPlease don't go rushing by Stay and make my heart fly Please don't go rushing by Stay and make my heart fly I never seem to know the time When you're with me You can tell it to the birds I'll tell the bees Please don't go rushing by Stay and make my heart fly I can't do anymore To get inside your door I can't do anymore Please let me inside your door I never seem to know the time When you're with me You can tell it to the birds I'll tell the bees Please don't go rushing by Stay and make my heart fly Stay and make my heart fly Stay and make my heart fly
Really Don't KnowI'm well aware there's a bit of a problem Where is this thing that I call heaven? What is it doing here on earth? Who is this holding my umbrella? Who is this looking up your skirt? You always wear it with a sense of style I like to wear it with a smirk You make me wait for just a little while I open up my mouth and yell I'm home, you're home, I'm all alone Why can't I call you on the phone? I really don't know I'm home, you're home, were all alone Why can't I call you on the phone? You always wear it with a sense of style I like to wear it with a skirt I'll be ok in just a little while And I open my big mouth and yell Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did you say my name with a bit of a sigh? I really don't know Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did you say my name with a bit of a sigh? Take off, to the great white north Take off, it's a beauty way to go Take off, to the great white north Take off, it's a beauty way to go (Bob & Doug loon calls) Where is this thing that I call heaven? Did you laugh at that? What is it doing here on earth? Did you cry? Who is this holding my umbrella? Did you say my name with a sigh? Who is this looking up your skirt?
Be My Yoko OnoIf there's someone you can live without, then do so. And if there's someone you can just shove out, do so. Chorus You can be my Yoko Ono You can follow me wherever I go Be my, be my, be my Yoko Ono. Isn't it beautiful to see two people so much in love? Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand and hand and hand in glove. Now that I'm far away it doesn't seem to me to be such a pain. To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain. Chorus Oh no, here we go, our life is just one big pun. Oh no, here we go as Yoko sings Aieee! I know that when I say this I may be stepping on pins and needles. But I don't like all these people slagging her for breaking up the Beatles. (Don't blame it on Yokey!) If I was John and you were Yoko, I would gladly give up musical genius, just to have you as my very own, personal Venus. (Hit it!) Chorus
Psycho KillerI can't seem to face up to the facts I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire Don't touch me I'm a real live wire Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run away Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run run run away You start a conversation you can't even finish it. You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything. When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. Say something once, why say it again? Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run away Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run away Ce que j'ai fais, ce soir la Ce qu'elle a dit, ce soir la Realisant mon espoir Je me lance, vers la gloire ... okay We are vain and we are blind I hate people when they're not polite Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run away Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better Run run run run run away oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh....
A Message To You RudyStop with your messin around You'd better think of your future It's time you straighten right out Creating problems in town Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee Stop with your messin around You'd better think of your future It's time you straighten right out Or else you'll wind up in jail Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (oh, that's right, that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (stop with your messin around) A message to you, Ru-deee (you'd better think of your future) A message to you, Ru-deee (it's time you straighten right out) A message to you, Ru-deee (creating problems in town, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right) A message to you, Ru-deee Ha ha ha ha ha! I had to do the stupid laugh at the end, didn't I? Didn't I? Get outta here!
If I Had $1000000If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a frige in there somwhere. We could go up there whenever we wanted. We could get something to eat maybe If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy bones) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. But we would. But of course we would, it's a very tasty treat for the whole family. If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a green dress If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000 I'd be rich.
Wishing WellKissing like a bandit stealing time Underneath the sycamore tree Cupid by the hour sends valentines To my sweet lover and me Slowly, surely Yours appetite is more than I knew Slowly, softly I'm falling in love with you Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell A wishing well of butterfly tears (come on) Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell A wishing well of crocodile tears (hey) Hugging like a monkey see monkey do Right beside a riverboat gambler Erotic images float through my head Said I wanna be, I wanna be your midnight rambler Slowly, maybe kinda quickly The blood races through my veins Quickly, loudly I wanna hear those sugar bells ring Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell A wishing well of butterfly tears (come on!) Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell A wishing well of butterfly tears (oh baby!) (Wishing well) Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell (Wishing well ) A wishing well of butterfly tears (Wishing well) Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell (Wishing well) A wishing well of crocodile tears (WisHing well) Wish me love a wishing well (Wishing well.) Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell (Wishing well) A wishing well of butterfly tears (Wishing Well)
CarelessI guess I lied to you when I told you I like baseball It's not so much the game I like, it's the hats Ed, Do you see this black band 'round my neck? (oohh yeah) It's not just fashion (oh really?) Hartz made it to protect me from ticks, fleas, and gnats I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse? I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice? I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert? I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work? Well Shaggy said to Velma, "Hey now, Velma, how ya doin'?" And Velma said, "Geesh, Shag, I'm just fine." And Daphne said to Fred, "Hey let's get drunk down in the forest." And all night Fred was yackin' up red wine I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool? I couldn't care less, are the sweat hogs still in school? I couldn't care less, how do they fill the caramel bar? I couldn't care less, if my car says the door is ajar? Well I wish I had a nickname like Crusher, Snake, or Kenneth 'Cause guys with nicknames always get the gals When I grow up I'll name my children Alice, Albert, and Alfred (really cool names) I'll call them for supper like this: "Dinner's ready, Als!" I couldn't care less, what Morton Downey says? I couldn't care less, what's on the head of my Pez? I couldn't care less, do zoodles need a trained zookeeper? I couldn't care less, why's the Super Big Gulp cheaper? I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse? (ground-up antlers) I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice? (apples, cheese, broccoli...) I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert? (they're like four or something..) I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work? (nobody knows!) I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool? I couldn't care less, are the sweat hogs still in school?
Hello CityWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Hello city ... Another night at the Palace 'cause there is nothing else to do. The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand. I think this harbour town is waist deep and sinking fast. Chorus Hello city, you've found an enemy in me. Hello city, hello city. Second night at the Warehouse, and my mock turtleneck just reeks. From the liquor room to the changeroom, to the doom and gloom of the hotel room. I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay. Chorus Maybe I caught you at a bad time. Maybe I should call you back next week. Maybe half the fault was mine that the sun didn't shine on Barrington Street. It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat. Climb down three flights to the streetlights, and the bar-fights, we're just taking in the sights. I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed. Chorus What a good place to be.. Don't believe them,'cause they speak a different language and it's never been happy for me. It's Happy Hour again. Hello city..Hello city.. EnidWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Chorus Enid we never really knew each other anyway. Enid we never really knew each other anyway. It took me a year to believe it was over, and it took me two more to get over the loss. I took a beating when you wrote me those letters, and every time I remembered the taste of your lipgloss. Chorus Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway but Enid we never really knew each other anyway. There were times when I wanted to hurt you, and there were times when I know that I did. There were times when I thought I would kill you, but can you blame me I was only a kid. Tell me why we never respected each other. and tell me why I never believed that you were a person too. I always thought that you fancied my brother. I may not have liked it, oh but memory is a strange thing, oh, and Enid? Enid I remember you. Chorus Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway, but Enid we never really knew each other anyway. it took me a year to believe it was over, and it took me two more to get over the loss. I took a beating when I wrote you those letters, and every time you told me to get lost. Now it's not fair to say that it's 'cause I was three inches shorter then, and it's not fair to say that it's 'cause I was only fifteen years old. But maybe it's fair to say it was a lack of communication, I took a phone message, oh and speaking of communication, oh, and Enid, Enid you got a cold. I can get a job I can pay the phone bills I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut out my cholesterol I can work overtime I can work in a mine I can do it all for you, But I don't want to. Enid we never really knew each other anyway. Enid we never really knew each other anyway. Enid we never really knew each other anyway. Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway, But Enid we really never knew each other anyway (Ed) I can teach you how to dance, how to sing, how to knit, How to make things that you never ever made before Enid, I can teach you how to use cookie cutters To make crazy things out of Play-Doh. Little houses, little farms, little accessories for your mom, For your Barbie set, for your friends and your family Enid, I can teach you how to snowmobile, cross-country ski, snowshoe, But I don't want to! Enid we never really knew each other anyway Enid we never really knew each other anyway Maybe we always saw right through each other anyway But Enid we really never knew each other anyway I took you dancing, paid for your nightschool. Grade 9Words & Music by Andy Creeggan, Jim Creeggan, Steven Page, Ed Robertson & Tyler Stewart I found my locker and I found my classes Lost my lunch and I broke my glasses, That guy is huge! That girl is wailing! First day of school and I'm already failing. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I've got a blue and red Adidas bag and a humongous binder, I'm trying my best not to look like a minor niner. I went out for the football team to prove that I'm a man I guess I shouldn't tell them that I like Duran Duran. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine Well, half my friends are crazy and the others are depressed and none of them can help me study for my math test. I got into the classroom and my knowledge was gone; I guess I should've studied instead of watching Wrath Of Khan. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine They called me chicken legs, they called me four-eyes they called me fatso, they called me buckwheat, they called me Eddie This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I've got a red leather tie and pair of rugger pants, I put them on and I went to the high school dance. Dad said I had to be home by eleven -- aw, man, I'm gonna miss Stairway to Heaven. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine Brian WilsonWords & Music by Steven Page Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night, just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane, but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, it's a matter of fact. You can call me Pavlov's dog. Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that? Dr. Lendy tell me you're not just a pedagogue, cause right now I'm Chorus Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did. So I'm lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles. and I'm thinking about what to think about. Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile, and I'm wondering if this is some kind of create drought because I am Chorus And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox, wondering where the hell all the love has gone. Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun, and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun." Chorus I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds and though I was very heavy, I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me because I'm Chorus Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night. Just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane; but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. Be My Yoko OnoWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson if there's someone you can live without, then do so. And if there's someone you can just shove out, do so. Chorus You can be my Yoko Ono You can follow me wherever I go Be my, be my, be my Yoko Ono. isn't it beautiful to see two people so much in love? Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand and hand and hand in glove. Now that I'm far away it doesn't seem to me to be such a pain. To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain. Chorus Oh no, here we go, our life is just one big pun. Oh no, here we go as Yoko sings Aieee! I know that when I say this I may be stepping on pins and needles. But I don't like all these people slagging her for breaking up the Beatles. (Don't blame it on Yokey!) if I was John and you were Yoko, I would gladly give up musical genius, just to have you as my very own, personal Venus. (Hit it!) Chorus Wrap Your Arms Around MeWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Jim Creeggan & Ed Robertson I concede that you were right about this place. I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace. I can hold you until you turn out the light and I can't see Do you believe that we are all innately good Do you think that you would love me until tomorrow if you could Would you please turn down the radio so we can speak I put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me. Put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me. I put my hands around your neck and you wrap your arms around me. I regret every time I raised my voice And it wouldn't be that bright of me to say I had no choice. I can kiss your eyes your hair your neck until we forget I concede that you were right about this place. I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace. I can hold you until we turn out the light, and I can't see I can't see. What A Good BoyWords by Steven Page Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When I was born, they looked at me and said, "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said, "What a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl." We've got these chains that hang around our necks people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same, when temptation calls, we just look away. Chorus This name is the hairshirt I wear and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear, bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight, I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight. I go to school, I write exams, if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn? And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me to show my life ain't over yet. I wake up scared, I wake up strange. I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change. I wake up scared, I wake up strange and everything around me stays the same. Chorus I couldn't tell you that I was wrong, chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song. I couldn't tell you that you were right, so instead I looked in the mirror, watched TV, laid away all night. We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks, people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ... Chorus When I was born, they looked at me and said; "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said; "What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey" The King Of Bedside ManorWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson You know he's not the kind of man who likes to see the world around him Crumble to a ball around his feet. So he's always ready, he's always set, he's always well prepared, he's the most peculiar man you'll ever meet. Chorus You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor. He's not the Tom Jones that lives next door. He's not the king of Bedside Manor. He hardly even lives there anymore. He says excuse me, I hope you don't mind that I followed you into this shop but I couldn't help but notice that riding crop. Sticking out of your haversack, um, I wouldn't mind riding you bareback. He's subtle on the dancefloor and he's suave around the bar. He's a quickdraw with a lighter, he's a pseudo movie star. You know he was quite a singer, quite an actor quite some time ago. He had quite a famous program, late night bedtime tv show. Chorus Well he opens up the curtains at the crack of dawn just to see the lovely ladies who have come and gone. From the house next door to his house on the lane He consoles himself that he's got his health and he knows he can't complain. Chorus He's not the King of Bedside Manor He's not the King of Bedside Manor Hardly even lives there anymore. Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto He's not the king, he's not the king, he's not the king of Bedside Manor. Box SetWords & Music by Steven Page I never thought that you would love me the way that you do. I never thought that you would love me half as much as I do. You say you wanna know everything about me. Well here you go. You say you couldn't live your life without me. I don't know. But if you want it girl, you've got it, it's all right here, in my box set. I never thought that words like product could ever leave my lips, but something happened to me somewhere that made me lose my grip. Maybe it's a lack of inspiration that makes me stoop, or maybe it's a lack of remuneration; I can't recoup. But if you want it folks, you got it; it's all right here in my box set. Disc One it's where we've begun, it's all of greatest hits, and if you are a fan then you know that you've already got 'em. Disc Two it was all brand new, al album's worth of songs, but we had to leave the whole disc blank 'cause some other label bought 'em. Disc Three This is really me in a grade school play; I had about a hundred thousand lines but of course I forgot 'em. I never thought there'd be days like this, there was always someone at my door. I never thought I would ever miss, and the crowd would always holler for more. But now it seems all that people want is what I used to be, and every time I try to do something new, all they want is 1973. I never thought I'd be regretful of all my past success. But some stupid number one hit single has go me in this mess. You can put it on every compilation - that's all right. You can hear it on the oldies radio station every night. And if you want it again, you got it it's right here in my box set. Disc Four Never released before, and you can tell why. it's just some demos I recorded in my basement. Disc Five I was barely alive, I was coughing up a lung, so they had to use a special computer as my replacement. Disc Six A dance remix, so I can catch the latest trend and it'll make you scratch your head and wonder where my taste went. So now my fans are crying sellout, they say that I've lost my touch. They say I should just get the hell out, before I do too much. Hear my songs in an ad for a bathroom cleanser - they say it's greed, And now I'm wondering where my friends are in this time of need. But if you change your mind and buy it, I hope you enjoy my new box. I hope you enjoy my new box, I hope you enjoy my new box set. I Love YouWords by Andy Creeggan, Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Andy Creeggan & Jim Creeggan Chorus I love you And you love me I love you So let's make a family tree I like soup, and I like ice cream sandwiches too. I like fish sticks, but I love you. You don't believe me, you say all I think about's myself. Let me explain, don't walk away. I love me You love you I Love me So what are we to do? How would you know that I love you so? I don't say too much Why are you blue whenever I'm in town? I guess life was fine till I came 'round. You've given me a start, I ain't no doctor but just take a look at the chart for my heart like a dart from the start I'm coming down with something good. it ain't no fever or flu, doctor says it had to be someone with brown hair and blue eyes, I'm lovesick for you I realize. I's loves you And youse loves me. I's loves you So let's make a family tree. How did you know that I loved you so? I don't say too much. Why are you blue whenever I'm in town? I guess life was fine till I came 'round. Chorus New Kid (On The Block)Words and Music by Scott Dibble, Steven Page & Ed Robertson I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sore. 'Cause you can see my face in the window of every store. You can buy my lunch box. You can wear my clothes. You can remember my name just as plain as the face under your nose. I'm a new kid on the Block, 'though I may not be Johann Sebastian Bach. So we may not write the songs we sing, but look at Elvis, he sold his soul and you crowned him king. I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sad. You see, I've got everything that I always wished I had. I thank my manager and I thank the screaming girls, I thank my hairdresser for giving me such beautiful curls. Now I'm a New Kid on the Block, well I'm twenty-three and they won't let me grow up. I went down to register for the draft, well I got up to the counter, and the lady there just laughed. She said You're a New Kid on the Block, young girls scream and old boys mock, well you broke my youngest daughter's heart. I knew you kids were trouble from the start. I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sure that we're as apple pie as you always thought we were. I can stay up all night. I can have a blast. I can breakdance, I can fight, I can kick your sorry ass. I'm a New Kid on the Block, and 'though I may not be Johann Sebastian Back, there's no need to be afraid of us 'though it just might be your daughter on our bus. Blame it On MeWords and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Here we are again and we're looking at each other as if each other were to blame. You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked and I'll probably see you naked again. MillI VanillI told you to Blame it On The Rain, but if you blame it on the rain tell me what can be gained so, if all else fails you can blame it on me. Chorus if all else fails you can blame it on me. if all else fails you can blame it on me. if all else fails blame it on me. if all else fails you can blame it on me. Then you smile again but you're looking at me as if there's something I'm supposed to say. Forgive me Father, but I'm falling in love and that's all I have for confession today. Maybe if you'd ask me on any other given day I wouldn't have time for you or anything that you say but it's alright now, you can blame it on me. Chorus Yes dear I love you, but sometimes I think that love's not enough for you. So you want to play mind games, well that's fine, go ahead, la la la I can't hear you. Here you are and you're a hundred thousand miles away. They say that absence makes the heart grow fungus. I wax poetic as you're waxing your legs you say you think there's a traitor among us. Chorus The FlagWords & Music by Steven Page The phone rings, it's early, it's seven o'clock. He says sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk you know last night, remember when I tried to choke you? I didn't mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke you should know that by now, when the chequered flag comes down, no one no one no one has won the race. The next night he's over and over and under and after he's finished she lies there and wonders. just why does she need him and why does she stay here and then in the darkness she'll quietly say Dear, you've never really known that when the white flag is flown, no one no one no one has won the war. They're complicated people leading complicated lives, and he complicates their problems by telling complicated lies He tells her he's sorry, she tells him it's over, he tells her he's sorry, she says over and over You've never really known that when the white flag is flown, no one no one no one has won the war. There goes a forest and there goes a bluebird. There goes a partridge and there goes a Go Train. There goes an angel and there goes a steeple. There goes a cop car and there goes an eagle. There goes a raven and there go the ribbons. There goes a raven and there go the ribbons. There goes a raven and there go The ribbons, the ribbons the ribbons The ribbons of the flag. If I Had $1000000Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there. [Wouldn't that be fabulous] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. [But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more. And buy really expensive ketchup with it. That's right, Dijon Ketchup. Mmmm.] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 I'd be rich. CrazyWords and Music by Ed Robertson & Tim Wilson I climb the walls of my mind just like I'm climbing on the jungle gym. I am more than content with the state of mind I am in. 'cause I am crazy just like you. I am crazy just like you. I don't think I need a rubber room, but that might be nice. I'm not a manic depressive paranoid or schizophrenic so I don't need your advice. I am crazy just like you. I am crazy just like you. The lights are on but nobody's home my elevator doesn't go to the top I'm not playing with a full deck I've lost my marbles. The lights are on but nobody's home My elevator doesn't go to the top I'm not playing with a full deck I've lost my marbles. I'm a few bricks short of a load, but a full load always hurt my back. I flew over the cuckoo's nest and I'm never ever coming back because I am crazy just like you. I am crazy just like you. I am crazy.
JaneWords & Music by Steven Duffy & Steven Page The girl works at the store sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there it wasn't long before I lived with her I sang her songs while she dyed her hair Chorus: Jane, divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run Jane, Jane I'd bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh She thought that I was making fun of her She made me feel I was fourteen again That's why she thinks it's cooler if we'd just stay friends Jane doesn't think a man could ever be faithful Jane isn't giving me a chance to be shameful Jane, Jane I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday That life could be better by being together is what I cannot explain to Jane The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there No promises as vague as Heaven No Juliana next to my Evan Jane, desired by the people at the school and work Jane is tired, 'cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk Jane, Jane IntermittentlyWords & Music by Steven Page Someone somewhere has unglued our epoxy And now I'm kissing you by proxy Hope you don't mind Somewhere someone is dreaming of me Tries to love me, hope you don't mind I love you intermittently I love you intermittently She's a lot like you but she don't look like you Okay, she's not you But she'll do fine I got my life on hold just to avoid confrontation But should I tell you to your face and Risk my hide? I love you intermittently I love you intermittently When immeasurably Turns to intermittently There's no use in going on Except for fear of being wrong Every morning I just hit the ground yawning... Stick around if you enjoy disaster 'Cause if you can't see what I'm after You must be blind I love you intermittently I love you intermittently Didn't have the heart to say goodbye So I continued in my charlatan ways Did I say heart? I meant to say guts Now I'm on my own and I'm sorry that you're gone These ApplesWords & Music by Ed Robertson A friend brought me flowers, she said they were lilacs But I've never been good with plants Her next presentation, a new dictionary She'd circled the word "romance" So enthusiastic, a little bit drastic I shaved her name in my head And as she beheld it, she said I misspelled it; Need more be said! Chorus: These apples are delicious! "As a matter of fact they are," she said Can all this fruit be free? She wrote me a letter as big as a phonebook I've never been big on mail I sent her a postcard from somewhere near Lethebridge And wondered if it still went by rail I've never been frightened of being enlightened But some things can go too far Though sometimes I stammer and mix up my grammar, You get what my meanings are Chorus I'm not trying to sing a love song -- I'm trying to sing in tune. I know I am sometimes headstrong Falling love, catching fire -- I want to be consumed Wondering will I ever tire, will I ever tire! Chorus You Will Be WaitingWords & Music by Steven Page As we walk together through the autumn, nearing winter Through the dying leaves and trees we call our home and native land, You say you don't believe a thing I say, I say you don't believe a thing You say you can't believe how I don't understand Chorus: But I Know That you will be waiting Oh I know That you will be waiting Oh I know You Will be waiting Waiting there for me You say you cannot live with me, you need your own identity And now we air our laundry on national TV And so you hate my arrogance, my smothering and sitting on the fence, But I'm afraid of the hard permanence of letting you go free Chorus I'm so sick of fighting and that effigy you're lighting looks An awful lot like whose name I just can't quite place And though you say it's not supposed to be me or any entity Still through the lames and smoke I see I recognize that face Chorus And you were someone who would Always tell me things I don't know, And tell me where to go But there I'll always go Whether or not you're waiting I don't care if you'll be waiting But please say that you will be waiting there for me AWords & Music by Steven Page A is for angry, which is what you are at me A is for adult, which is what I'll never be A is for applesauce, my favorite meal A is for Adam, which is how I sometimes feel; Like I'm the only man on Earth, and I've forgotten what that's worth A is for Arthur, he's a lovable drunk A M & Azing, like Thelonius Monk A is for argument, A is for apparent A is for antagonism that's not even there and it's just you begging for attention or something I won't even mention Chorus: And I don't even know why you keep on trying Like I don't even know why I keep on lying There are millions of people in worlds of their own And two of them can't let go A is for algebra, I learned it in school A is what Fonzie said, 'cause he was very cool A is for adversary, A is for affection A is arousal, you are giving me an erection C'mon I'm trying to show affection for longer than a half an hour Chorus I met a woman I used to know Long before you, long ago All I could say, after hello Was "are you still single?" A is for attitude I can't help but wield A is for arrogance; emotional shield A is for acting, A is for abhorrently A is for asshole, which is what I am, how rude of me. I owe you an apology I'm sorry Chorus Everything Old is New AgainWords & Music by Stephen Duffy & Steven Page Learn to lose, it's easier that way We've paid our dues, but we can't make life pay All across the world, people going mad in their mother's cars, the kids are feeling sad That's how it is, and I'll see you later Everything old is new again Everything under the sun Now that I'm back with you again We hug and we kiss We sit and make lists We drink and I bandage your wrists Wasted youth -- there wasn't much to waste Down to the bone, and still losing weight With all the wishing in the world glistening in her eyes But when I say I love her, she thinks I'm telling lies is it all lost? No, we never had it Everything old is new again Everything under the sun All of our fears come true again Recycle reuse Resent and refuse Our parent's ideals and view She thinks the afterlife might just be where the action is With high schools built like prisons, she can't find a way to live Moved back home to fill the empty nest Afraid to roam, in love with second best While somewhere in the world, she's hosting her own show And everyone she questions never seems to know Who they are and where they are going Everything old is new again Everything under the sun Now that I'm without you again I wake up and eat I go back to sleep And let my nightmares repeat All across the world, people going mad Alternative GirlfriendWords & Music by Stephen Duffy & Steven Page You're in an all-girl band Your futon's second hand Your parents understand but you don't care I have a job in a shop I'm an undercover cop I make sure the customers aren't thieves Old at being young Young at being old Everything's on hold within our evolution Chorus: You're my alternative girlfriend I love you, and now you cannot pretend There's nothing left that won't cross over Last night we slept on the lawn you woke up and I was gone Back to the dream I dream to leave My life with her is a bore A worn-out metaphor No more surprises up its sleeve We're old at being young Young at being old Everything's been sold to other's revolutions Chorus You live above your dad's four-car garage With your vinyl and imaginary entourage if I pull up in a U-Haul, pack up quick So we can get out of this town 'cause it makes me sick Chorus Am I The Only One?Words & Music by Ed Robertson Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh., Laugh until you cry? Am I the only one who asks you to go, Go on without me? Am I the only one who loves when you leave Your hair down in front of your eyes? Chorus: And who do you think I am? And who do you think I'll be? without You? Am I the only one who had to dress you up To see how you fell down Am I the only one who needs you to go, Go on about me? Am I the only one who loves when you leave Your hair down in front of your eyes? Chorus Little Tiny SongWords & Music by Andrew Creeggan Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious Hey watch me now, I'm furious Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate Hey watch me now, I'm on your plate Life, in A NutshellWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When she was three Her barbies always did it on the first date Now she's with me, There's never any need for them to demonstrate She's like a baby, I'm like a cat; When we are happy, we both get fat and still it's never enough, it's never enough, it's never enough Chorus: But I don't tend to worry about the things that other people say, And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way Call me crazy, but it really doesn't matter All that matters to me is she Her life, in a nutshell No way would she want it to change me it's not that easy 'cause My time is often decided for me For me She memorized every pencil crayon colour in the box Her blue-green eyes complement the burn sienna in her locks She's at the movies, I'm on the phone; When we're separated, we're never alone, but still it's never enough, it's never enough, No it's never enough Chorus I fell down With no one there to catch me from falling Then she came 'round And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes out I'm OK And that's why Her life, in a nutshell ... The Wrong Man Was ConvictedWords & Music by Stephen Duffy & Steven Page Who's lonely now? Which one of us is suffering? Who's in his cups? Which one of us recovering? Who likes to look at pictures and cries, but way too late? Who doesn't want to change a thing, accepting it was fate? Chorus: The wrong man was convicted You know I did the deed I thought that you would wait for me Your wants I needn't heed The wrong man lies beside you And waits for you to wake And all because I lacked conviction, The judgment's my mistake Who's breathless now? Who only hyperventilates? Who'd die for you! Who's dying inside anyway? Which one of us is sunshine and which one's growing dim? while two men dream of you at night, do you just dream of him? Chorus Who's lonely now? Who's reaching out to no one? Who's lonely now? it takes one to know one I changed my mind; you said that I could change it back I wanted space, and now change has fallen through the cracks if I'm again beside your body, don't tell me where it's been it's cruel, unusual punishment to kiss fingerprinted skin Chorus it's my mistake Great ProviderWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson You and I have been through this before I owe you my whole life, nothing more I never said that I liked you the most You're my father, I'm your son, who's the Holy Ghost? Where does the time go when it's not around here? Here we stand at the edge of the drive I'm just waiting for my ride to arrive I wait to see if you've any last words We pulled away, I called your name, I don't think you heard Where does the time go when it's not around here? I don't know Where does the time go when it's not around here? You and I never shared all that much When I leave, I'll be all right, I'll keep in touch As your road narrows, so mine grows wider As I leave I turn and wave to the Great Provider Where does the time go when it's not around here? I don't know Where does the time go when it's not around here?
Shoe BoxWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Steven Page A key in the door, a step on the floor A note on the table, and a meal in the micro Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed if you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week" I crumple the note and save it to put inside Chorus: My shoe box Shoe box of lies Shoe box Shoe box of lies it's under my bed, it's never been read it's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or Chorus Did somebody tell you This is how it's supposed to be? Or did you just find it And you don't want any more from me? Chorus Was it something I said, or was it something you read That's making me think that I should never have come here I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye. I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear And what if I could -- would it do any good? You'll still never get to see the contents of Chorus You're so nineteen-ninety And it's nineteen-ninety-four Leave this world behind me 'Cause you don't want me anymore. Trust MeWords and music by Steven Page and Stephen Duffy I was surprised at how incredibly fast you were to come up and ask for a light. I was amazed at just how matter-of-fact you were in taking me back for the night. I only crave the sugar on the pill. I hope that you will Chorus: Trust me, Trust me to let you down, You know that somebody got there first. Trust me, Trust me to let you down, My fingers crossed while my lips are pursed. Trust me, I don't know where I'm going, you can drop me there. Don't understand how the roles are reversed and now it's me that's freaked out by the chase. The holy trinity are there in your purse; a condom, Obsession, and mace. it's easier if I'm on my way. So anyway you'll Chorus I want you. You want me. I want you not to want me. I need you to need me. To leave me Needing you to leave Chorus Trust me, Trust me to let you down. Trust me to let you down. Trust me to let you down. Trust me to let you down. If I Had $1000000Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a like little tiny refrigerator in there somewhere. [We could go up there any time we wanted to. We could have like snacks and beverages] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. [But we would. Look I like Kraft Dinner. I think we'd eat more.] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey!?) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.. If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 I'd be rich. Shoe BoxWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Steven Page A key in the door, a step on the floor A note on the table, and a meal in the micro Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed if you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week" I crumple the note and save it to put inside Chorus: My shoe box Shoe box of lies Shoe box Shoe box of lies it's under my bed, it's never been read it's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or Chorus Did somebody tell you This is how it's supposed to be? Or did you just find it And you don't want any more from me? Chorus Was it something I said, or was it something you read That's making me think that I should never have come here I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye. I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear And what if I could -- would it do any good? You'll still never get to see the contents of Chorus You're so nineteen-ninety And it's nineteen-ninety-four Leave this world behind me 'Cause you don't want me anymore.
Stomach Vs. HeartWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson in through my veins, without brains, I involuntarily take what I need, then I bleed and it comes right back to me. But guts only eat and sometimes they repeat on you. Keeping you on your toes or crouched above the loo. That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. Blood turns from blue into red 'cause of oxygen that it's fed and I turn back to blue, 'cause I'm losing you, but tummy just growls not real words, mostly vowels and I always forget sometimes Y Gratification can cause constipation if organs are left to die. That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. I gained all this weight out of love, not hate I've got so much love to give (give me a break!) I'd love to sleep in late, but that dessert looks great. Was it something I said or was it some I ate? Heart beats in sync, beat in time, beat in bodies likes hers and mine, But I fed only one, and look what it's done; I've run out of blood and I'm chewing my cud and my gastrointestinal festival's best of all The cardiovascular questions they ask you are Less than the answers they give you like cancer and That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. That's what you get when you confuse your stomach with your heart. Straw Hat and Old Dirty HankWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson I tend the wheat field that makes your bread. I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed. Mother Nature & Mother Earth Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth Chorus: I'm the farmer. I work in the fields all day. Don't mean to alarm her, But I know it was meant to be this way. You cried a tear, I wiped it dry I put you up upon a pedestal so high if you should waiver, if you should sway I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away. You signed your picture with an O and X I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques. Chorus All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you You could have written back, You could have said "Thank you" I guess you've got better things, better things to do. You say you love me, is that the truth? Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof. I know your address, I ring the bell I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells. I'm the farmer I work in the fields all day Never wanted to harm her But I know it was meant to be this way. I KnowWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson I know why I like you it's cause of your clothing and your haircut and 'cause you're racist. I have a match; your face, My asking you questions you can't answer. You want to box me? Our world works in a weird way I've heard them say a man with a beard may frighten children or dogs but a moustache scares me more. I know why you bite me it's cause of your instincts and your canines and 'cause I kicked you. I have a bone to pick; Please go on the paper and fetch me my slippers and stop meowing. Man's best friend wags his tail and bares his teeth to the man with the mail and though he's frightened of thunder he never goes to war. Tell me what's the circumstance of circumcision? And what goes in my daughter's pants is whose decision? I've seen the facts of inter-race relations, of see-through slacks, of cyber-masturbation; if a hundred monkeys each could get their own show, Perhaps one day a chimp might say "You have faith, you just need to use it sayeth the Lord" I know why I like you it's cause of your sandals and your supper and 'cause you're Jesus I have a match; your Dad, my dad has your picture right next to your mother's and one of Charo They hold hands up in heaven. And they say that their son's name is Kevin But I read in a book somewhere that his name is Jack... This is Where it EndsWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson I don't buy everything I read, I haven't even read everything I've bought. I don't cry every time I bleed, My eyes are dry, but they're bloodshot. I have faith in medication I believe in the Prozac Nation You play doctor, but I've lost patience Chorus: But this is where it ends This is where it ends Call the police and call the press But please, dear God, don't tell my friends This is where it ends This is where it ends Where's my pride? Where's my self-esteem? Does it show in the drinks I've bought? I don't hide every time I'm seen, but I try not to get caught. Make excuses for behaviour Can my illness be my saviour? Hid my heart while you still gave yours Chorus She says she wants to live in a movie I say I want someone else to stand behind me And write it all down 'cause I can't be bothered doing it myself. And I don't want the responsibility of proving it's importance. I have loved and I have waited Been picked up and been sedated mental health is overrated Chorus When I FallWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Ed Robertson I look straight in the window, try not to look below Pretend I'm not up here, try counting sheep But the sheep seem to shower off this office tower Nine-point-eight straight down I can't stop my knees. Chorus: I wish I could fly From this building, from this wall And if I should try, would you catch me if I fall? My hands clench the squeegee, my secular rosary Hang on to your wallet, hang on to your rings Can't look below me, or something might throw me Curse at the windstorms that October brings. I look in the boardroom; a modern pharaoh's tomb I'd gladly swap places, if they care to dive They're lined up at the window, peer down into limbo They're frightened of jumping, in case they survive. I wish I could step from this scaffold onto soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed With my family and my pastor and my grandfather who's Dead Look straight in the mirror, watch it come clearer I look like a painter, behind all the grease But paintings creating, and I'm just erasing A crystal-clear canvas is my masterpiece Chorus I Live With it Every DayWords & Music by Stephen Duffy & Steven Page On August first, nineteen-eight-one I cycled to Scott's house with a BB gun We were almost twelve, but we looked thirteen He had baby-blue eyes that I shot him between Nature provides for us a safety net Whatever we do, we can never forget Chorus: I live with it every day Even though we moved away Our yesterdays are on a loop; A marathon of heartbreaking moments I live with it every day For every step I have to pay The only thing that they can't take The guild that spirals in my wake The day they found me asleep on the floor Engine running, closed garage door Was the day the For Sale sign arrived on the lawn Two weeks later, and we were gone Everyone falls through time and the funnel it makes But I'm staying here inside my biggest mistake Chorus The love I put away Like games that children play The hearts you choose to break Like cars dumped in the lake The laugh lines on your face The life I won't embrace The cold house I won't leave The guests I won't receive Chorus The Old ApartmentWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Broke into the old apartment This is where we used to live Broken glass, broke and hungry broken hearts and broken bones This is where we used to live Why did you paint the walls? Why did you clean the floor? Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door? This is where we used to live Why did you keep the mousetrap? Why did you keep the dishrack? these things used to be mine I guess they still are, I want them back Broke into the old apartment Forty-two stairs from the street Crooked landing, crooked landlord Narrow laneway filled with crooks. This is where we used to live. Why did they pave the lawn? why did they change the locks? Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk This is where we used to live How is the neighbor downstairs? How is her temper this year? I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun I know we don't live here anymore We bought an old house on the Danforth She loves me and her body keeps me warm I'm happy here But this is where we used to live Broke into the old apartment Tore the phone out of the wall Only memories, fading memories Blending into dull tableaux I want them back I want them back Call Me CalmlyWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson You and I were meant to be Even though you don't know me I don't even know your name And do you think that you know mine? You were lonely, I was bored I may be more than you can afford But I'm sure we'll meet halfway And I've got this crazy feeling you've been trying to get to me When all you have to do is calmly Call me, call me, call me Basic service: sixty bucks I'll roll the dice, you try your luck A pair gets me a week in rent And a straight gets even more. I'm no good at playing cards I hold my dates in high regard Pay up front and ye shall receive Love is never in-between if it isn't one thing, then it's always something else I don't even know what I mean I thought that it was nothing, but now I can't find nothing else Oh, you can't hide But at least you tried to Call me, call me, call me Are you ashamed of what you've done? All we did was have some fun I won't judge and I won't tell And I'll forget you when you've gone I pity all you working stiffs, Living wondering "what if?" "What if someday I was free?" Chorus Break Your HeartWords & Music by Steven Page The bravest thing I've ever done Was to run away and hide But not this time, not this time And the weakest thing I've ever done Was to stay right by your side Just like this time, and every time I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart. I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on But I didn't mean to break your heart. And if I always seem distracted Like my minds somewhere else, That's because it's true, yes it's true it's this stupid pride that makes me feel Like I have to follow through Even half-assedly, loving you Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice? When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start Why must I always tell you all I want is this? I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart And you said; "What'd you think that I was gonna do, Curl up and die just because of you? I'm not that weak, you know What'd you think that I was gonna do, Try to make you love me as much as I love you? how could you be so low? You arrogant man, What do you think that I am? My heart will be fine Just stop wasting my time" And now I know that you will be okay, and that I got what I want and that's rid of you Good bye And it's not cause I'll be missing you That makes me fall apart it's just that I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break Your heart Spider in My RoomWords & Music by Jim Creeggan There's a spider in my room There's a spider in my room And then a voice above my head Said if that spider were made dead I'd better grow some fins 'cause it would make it easier to swim I don't like spiders and snakes The way they crawl, the way they shake if a spider gets killed how does that make it rain How could I be the one to blame A whisper drizzled down from the ice in its eyes it said, "Try pickin' on your own damn size," But the Hoover was quick, termination complete in its bedroom home got a chance to eat. in the corner beside my bed Very busy spinning thread Eight legs and a little head I hear the thunder from outside And the water's gettin' high I don't like moths and bugs They buzz, they get in the rugs But where does a guy find some room in this life raft home, a little rubber tomb There's a spider in my room There's a spider in my room Same ThingWords & Music by Ed Robertson What does it mean to wake out of a dream and be wearing some else's shorts? I've been around the block, at least on my bike I was prepared for the news but not for The Third World War I found me an answer, in a grocery store I found me an answer in the form of an old man with a cardigan on, this guy's got thirty years on me but he stops and smiles just to say "Hello, didn't I see you on TV?" Must've been the same thing Must've been the same thing Must've been the same thing Charlie Brown went through I'm in a comic store Lookin' for some mistakenly priced comic I could make A fortune on and in walks the Fantastic Four I say "don't go; That last issue was cool!" Must've been the same thing Must've been the same thing Must've been the same These things all end Who asked you anyway? You'll have to bend Who asked you anyway? I'm in a thunderstorm Staying out from under trees never holding Golf clubs, but still seem to be getting Struck by lightning... must be something in my veins My weathered veins Must've been the same thing Just A ToyWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Look at my mouth, a thin painted line Look at my limbs, bent up and bundled in twine Forever, ever mine Form of a tree, shape of a child I wish I could cry, stuck in a permanent smile Forever, ever mine Chorus: I know you must have loved me sometime But now I'm just a toy I know you must have loved me sometime But now I'm just a toy First there was me, nothing but time Till he came along, you told me you'd always be mine Forever, ever mine Look at his face, somewhat like mine But look at his nose, you can always be sure that he's lying Forever, ever mine Chorus Who needs you A boy-to-be who Needs to be Better than him, worthy of you Given the chance that he had, I know what I'd do Forever, ever mine I call him liar, you call him son if I could move, I'd set him on fire and I'd run forever Chorus In The DrinkWords & Music by Jim Creeggan Chorus: I'm in the drink for love And want to drink your love Swimmin' a swim in the suds I want to drink your blood Up like a rocket, down like the rain Back and forth like a choo-choo train I have a secret that just won't keep All I wanna do is brush your teeth Butterfly kisses And the taste of delicious I'd like to sip the sap from your tree And the honey in the tea Dripping amber drips Patiently Chorus I'm in the drink for love And want to drink your love Squishin' toes in the mud I want to drink your blood Caught a snowflake on my tongue A feathery crystal in the flavour of gum Dropping clouds fallin' fast Are you going to try some while they last? Once the birds have migrated Come Spring twitter painted Up the river, I journey on 'Cause this salmon is ready to spawn if you have some swimming lessons it would make it easier Chorus Shoe BoxWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Steven Page A key in the door, a step on the floor A note on the table, and a meal in the micro Note says "I'm in bed, please make sure that you're fed if you're taking a shower, you can borrow my bathrobe When I'm asleep I dream you move in next week" I crumple the note and save it to put inside Chorus: My shoe box Shoe box of lies Shoe box Shoe box of lies it's under my bed, it's never been read it's in with my school stuff and my mom never cleans there From my first little fib, when I still wore a bib To my latest attempt at pretending I'm someone Who's not seventeen, doesn't know what you mean When talk turns to single malts, or stilton, or Chorus Did somebody tell you This is how it's supposed to be? Or did you just find it And you don't want any more from me? Chorus Was it something I said, or was it something you read That's making me think that I should never have come here I can offer you lies, I can tell you good-bye. I can tell you I'm sorry, But I can't tell you the truth, dear And what if I could -- would it do any good? You'll still never get to see the contents of Chorus You're so nineteen-ninety And it's nineteen-ninety-four Leave this world behind me 'Cause you don't want me anymore.
Brian WilsonWords & Music by Steven Page Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night, just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane, but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, it's a matter of fact. You can call me Pavlov's dog. Ring a bell and I'll salivate. How'd you like that? Dr. Lendy tell me you're not just a pedagogue, cause right now I'm Chorus Lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did Well I'm lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did. So I'm lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles. and I'm thinking about what to think about. Just listening and relistening to Smiley Smile, and I'm wondering if this is some kind of create drought because I am Chorus And if you want to find me I'll be out in the sandbox, wondering where the hell all the love has gone. Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun, and singing "Fun, Fun, Fun." Chorus I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds and though I was very heavy, I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground I floated 'til I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me, I couldn't see the ground Somebody help me because I'm Chorus Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a Tuesday night. Just to check out the late-night record shop. Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane; but when I'm surrounded I just can't stop. Straw Hat and Old Dirty HankWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson I tend the wheat field that makes your bread. I bind the sweet veal, pluck the hens that make your bed. Mother Nature & Mother Earth Are two of three women who dictate what I'm worth Chorus: I'm the farmer. I work in the fields all day. Don't mean to alarm her, But I know it was meant to be this way. You cried a tear, I wiped it dry I put you up upon a pedestal so high if you should waiver, if you should sway I'd catch you, spread my tiny wings and fly away. You signed your picture with an O and X I bet you don't write "love" each time you sign your cheques. Chorus All of this corn I grow I grow it all for you I took a hatchet to the radio I did it all for you You could have written back, You could have said "Thank you" I guess you've got better things, better things to do. You say you love me, is that the truth? Although they've heard the songs, my friends want living proof. I know your address, I ring the bell I bring you flowers and a .22 with shells. I'm the farmer I work in the fields all day Never wanted to harm her But I know it was meant to be this way. Break Your HeartWords & Music by Steven Page The bravest thing I've ever done Was to run away and hide But not this time, not this time And the weakest thing I've ever done Was to stay right by your side Just like this time, and every time I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart. I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on But I didn't mean to break your heart. And if I always seem distracted Like my minds somewhere else, That's because it's true, yes it's true it's this stupid pride that makes me feel Like I have to follow through Even half-assedly, loving you Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice? When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start Why must I always tell you all I want is this? I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart And you said; "What'd you think that I was gonna do, Curl up and die just because of you? I'm not that weak, you know What'd you think that I was gonna do, Try to make you love me as much as I love you? how could you be so low? You arrogant man, What do you think that I am? My heart will be fine Just stop wasting my time" And now I know that you will be okay, and that I got what I want and that's rid of you Good bye And it's not cause I'll be missing you That makes me fall apart it's just that I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break No I didn't mean to break Your heart JaneWords & Music by Steven Duffy & Steven Page The girl works at the store sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there it wasn't long before I lived with her I sang her songs while she dyed her hair Chorus: Jane, divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on Jane decided only cowards stay, while traitors run Jane, Jane I'd bring her gold and frankincense and myrrh She thought that I was making fun of her She made me feel I was fourteen again That's why she thinks it's cooler if we'd just stay friends Jane doesn't think a man could ever be faithful Jane isn't giving me a chance to be shameful Jane, Jane I wrote a letter, she should have got it yesterday That life could be better by being together is what I cannot explain to Jane The girl works at the store, sweet Jane St. Clair Was dazzled by her smile while I shoplift there No promises as vague as Heaven No Juliana next to my Evan Jane, desired by the people at the school and work Jane is tired, 'cause every man becomes a lovesick jerk Jane, Jane When I FallWords by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Music by Ed Robertson I look straight in the window, try not to look below Pretend I'm not up here, try counting sheep But the sheep seem to shower off this office tower Nine-point-eight straight down I can't stop my knees. Chorus: I wish I could fly From this building, from this wall And if I should try, would you catch me if I fall? My hands clench the squeegee, my secular rosary Hang on to your wallet, hang on to your rings Can't look below me, or something might throw me Curse at the windstorms that October brings. I look in the boardroom; a modern pharaoh's tomb I'd gladly swap places, if they care to dive They're lined up at the window, peer down into limbo They're frightened of jumping, in case they survive. I wish I could step from this scaffold onto soft green pastures, shopping malls, or bed With my family and my pastor and my grandfather who's Dead Look straight in the mirror, watch it come clearer I look like a painter, behind all the grease But paintings creating, and I'm just erasing A crystal-clear canvas is my masterpiece Chorus Hello CityWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Hello city ... Another night at the Palace 'cause there is nothing else to do. The same people, the same drinks and the same music, the same quicksand. I think this harbour town is waist deep and sinking fast. Chorus Hello city, you've found an enemy in me. Hello city, hello city. Second night at the Warehouse, and my mock turtleneck just reeks. From the liquor room to the changeroom, to the doom and gloom of the hotel room. I wish this seaside beerhall would sink into the bay. Chorus Maybe I caught you at a bad time. Maybe I should call you back next week. Maybe half the fault was mine that the sun didn't shine on Barrington Street. It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat. Climb down three flights to the streetlights, and the bar-fights, we're just taking in the sights. I hope tomorrow that I wake up in my own bed. Chorus What a good place to be.. Don't believe them,'cause they speak a different language and it's never been happy for me. It's Happy Hour again. Hello city..Hello city.. What A Good BoyWords by Steven Page Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When I was born, they looked at me and said, "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said, "What a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl." We've got these chains that hang around our necks people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same, when temptation calls, we just look away. Chorus This name is the hairshirt I wear and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair. This song is the cross that I bear, bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me, be with me tonight, I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight. I go to school, I write exams, if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn? And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me to show my life ain't over yet. I wake up scared, I wake up strange. I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change. I wake up scared, I wake up strange and everything around me stays the same. Chorus I couldn't tell you that I was wrong, chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song. I couldn't tell you that you were right, so instead I looked in the mirror, watched TV, laid away all night. We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks, people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ... Chorus When I was born, they looked at me and said; "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said; "What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey" The Old ApartmentWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson Broke into the old apartment This is where we used to live Broken glass, broke and hungry broken hearts and broken bones This is where we used to live Why did you paint the walls? Why did you clean the floor? Why did you plaster over the hole I punched in the door? This is where we used to live Why did you keep the mousetrap? Why did you keep the dishrack? these things used to be mine I guess they still are, I want them back Broke into the old apartment Forty-two stairs from the street Crooked landing, crooked landlord Narrow laneway filled with crooks. This is where we used to live. Why did they pave the lawn? why did they change the locks? Why did I have to break it, I only came here to talk This is where we used to live How is the neighbor downstairs? How is her temper this year? I turned up your TV and stomped on the floor just for fun I know we don't live here anymore We bought an old house on the Danforth She loves me and her body keeps me warm I'm happy here But this is where we used to live Broke into the old apartment Tore the phone out of the wall Only memories, fading memories Blending into dull tableaux I want them back I want them back Life, in A NutshellWords & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson When she was three Her barbies always did it on the first date Now she's with me, There's never any need for them to demonstrate She's like a baby, I'm like a cat; When we are happy, we both get fat and still it's never enough, it's never enough, it's never enough Chorus: But I don't tend to worry about the things that other people say, And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way Call me crazy, but it really doesn't matter All that matters to me is she Her life, in a nutshell No way would she want it to change me it's not that easy 'cause My time is often decided for me For me She memorized every pencil crayon colour in the box Her blue-green eyes complement the burn sienna in her locks She's at the movies, I'm on the phone; When we're separated, we're never alone, but still it's never enough, it's never enough, No it's never enough Chorus I fell down With no one there to catch me from falling Then she came 'round And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes out I'm OK And that's why Her life, in a nutshell ... These ApplesWords & Music by Ed Robertson A friend brought me flowers, she said they were lilacs But I've never been good with plants Her next presentation, a new dictionary She'd circled the word "romance" So enthusiastic, a little bit drastic I shaved her name in my head And as she beheld it, she said I misspelled it; Need more be said! Chorus: These apples are delicious! "As a matter of fact they are," she said Can all this fruit be free? She wrote me a letter as big as a phonebook I've never been big on mail I sent her a postcard from somewhere near Lethebridge And wondered if it still went by rail I've never been frightened of being enlightened But some things can go too far Though sometimes I stammer and mix up my grammar, You get what my meanings are Chorus I'm not trying to sing a love song -- I'm trying to sing in tune. I know I am sometimes headstrong Falling love, catching fire -- I want to be consumed Wondering will I ever tire, will I ever tire! Chorus If I Had $1000000Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love. If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard. If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard. If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there. [Wouldn't that be fabulous] If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner. (But we would!) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000) I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!) If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000 I'd be rich. Uncle ElwynI'd like to thank my friend Ed Kosinski and BNL's Ed Robertson for help on these lyrics It's Uncle Elwyn It's Uncle Elwyn My Uncle Elwyn is tall My Elwyn is small My Elwyn plays a mean basketball He's about 45 maybe 55, 60 I'm not sure; once he mixed me a drink I was about 5 years old It was Koolaid and pop I thought that was cold Cold meaning good Cold's supposed to be bad but i think that I otta would Change some things,I change their meanings I've been here, I've been demeaning Once, twice, maybe three times I asked my Uncle Elwyn he's a mime Ask Uncle Elwyn Ask Uncle Elwyn E-L-W-Y-N that's Elwyn, say it again E-L-W-Y-N that's Elwyn, say it again E-L-W-Y-N that's Elwyn, sing it again E-L-W-Y-N that's Elwyn, that's my uncle! One WeekWords & Music by Ed Robertson It's been one week since you looked at me cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry. Five days since you laughed at me saying get that together come back and see me. Three days since the living room I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you Yesterday you'd forgiven me but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry Hold it now and watch the hoodwink As I make you stop, think You'll think you're looking at Aquaman I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss I like the sushi 'cause it's never touched a frying pan Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes Big like Leann Rimes Because I'm all about value Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits You try to match wits You try to hold me but I bust through Gonna make a break and take a fake I'd like a stinkin achin shake I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know The vertigo is gonna grow Cause it's so dangerous, you'll have to sign a waiver How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean? Well, you soon will I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve I have a history of taking off my shirt It's been one week since you looked at me Threw your arms in the air and said you're crazy Five days since you tackled me I've still got the rug burns on both my knees It's been three days since the afternoon You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon Yesterday you'd forgiven me And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry Chickity China the Chinese chicken You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' Watchin X-Files with no lights on, we're dans la maison I hope the Smoking Man's in this one Like Harrison Ford I'm getting Frantic Like Sting I'm Tantric Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy Like Kurasawa I make mad films Okay I don't make films But if I did they'd have a samurai Gonna get a set of better clubs Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean? You soon will I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve I have a history of losing my shirt It's been one week since you looked at me Dropped your arms to your sides and said I'm sorry Five days since |